Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Randomize
