"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize