where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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