I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
