i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
