I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
