ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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