if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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