im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
