Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
