you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
