i would punch a child for taco bell
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
