Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
