are you still at the devil's house?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
