i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
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