remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I had to cum in my sink.
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