i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
