my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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