But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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