the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i want to swaddle you in tequila
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Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
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Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
did i just pee glitter
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