haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
