Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
