If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
