you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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