also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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