I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
