roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
