This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
