u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Randomize
