u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
