We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
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hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
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Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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