Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
