dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
