it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
