She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
