Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
