We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
