I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Screwed.edu
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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