In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
