I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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