What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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