Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
