Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
