Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
