I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
