it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
