Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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