how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
