we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
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you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
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somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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