I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
