I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
