He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
