We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Randomize
