She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
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I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
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I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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