You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
