i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
