Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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