I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
