i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Randomize