I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
