Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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