Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
