We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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