I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
