Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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