I heard we made out
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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