I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
