What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
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and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
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Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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