since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
