Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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