i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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